good years and bad ones

I didn't get a vacation this year unless you count the time i took a week off because they bounced my fucking paycheck. 2 paychecks to be specific. then the fascists at the credit union flagged my account and made me pay them 260 dollars or pesos...clams or whatever kind of currency im working for these days...my fucking employers didn't even pay me back the full amount they owed me but im too goddamn pathetic to get another job. So I read up on demonology and made a milkshake.

I didnt get fired this year. I got threatened 6,875,933 fucking times but the fuckers cant do it. Im way too good.

I did however get called a nigger bitch more times than i can count.
I was repeatedly asked to snort like a pig by the same guy(who wanted me to tell him I weigh 180lbs)
Robert Corey the child molester from tampa florida made me look at a picture of his micropenis.
There is probably more porn on my computers history from this job imaginable(and roberts minuscule tinky winky)
I emailed a fellow a picture of my foot and told him it belonged to my 12 year old brother(never have I heard such frantic ejaculation)
I spent hours upon hours talking to a retard from Georgia who works at goodwill anout his fantasies concerning placing women in big rubber vagina suits,roller skates,boxing gloves,bald caps etc...from what ive gathered he lives in a trailer park with his mother(with whom he screams while he is on the phone with me)
Ive also been told to go outside completely naked and get down with my bad self on the lawn
Ive had only had one brave soul call me up to have me castrate him
I cant count the number of fuckers who sit there in silence and make me tell them some stupid story about who when where and how hard ive been getting fucked
Ive been asked if I have a good valley girl impresion enough times to make me want to shove a spoon into someones esophagus
ive had multiple men call me from hotel rooms so coked up that they actually talk to me for 45 minutes about everything under the fucking sun(mostly sex though)
the guy im on the phone with now wants me to tell his female friends that he has a 2 inch dick. this isnt the first time he's called them on 3-way. They never pick up.
A guy made me visit farmsluts.com(ok i wanted to go)
Chris the pedo from south carolina made me throw up in my mouth 10 times too many.
I told my operator I would stab her for trying to s&m talk my husband.
I got bitched out for taking xmas day off(not eve mind you, day)
I had to repeatedly yell "hi-ya right in the balls" to some dumbass
I learned that some men masturbate to ridiculously detailed moronic fucking crap(and so do I)
The best porn ever is at pornhub
I have a pregnant slut fetish
I loathe bukaki with every wretched fiber in my angsty little being(and I had to watch peter north shoot alot of loads)...the spell checker thinks I was trying to spell kabuki, not bukaki.

The Wars of the Weak

Whining isn't becoming of anyone, yet people are obsessed with one another's bullshit.
I was thinking about this when I was lying awake at five this morning. Also thinking about water and why my dreams are so fucked up. I had a beautiful dream that I was floating in the ocean with tiny creatures around me and attached to my skin. Some of them were bio luminescent and transparent like tiny jellyfish clinging to my hands and arms. when I glanced below the water I saw sea turtles and brightly colored fish.

People are a loathsome breed. We love to be recognized for our deviance. I know its strange. Why do we make dirty blogs and post pictures of our half naked bodies online though? The nice fellow I just got off the line with was very pleased that I mentioned the size of his wallet. Faux pas? I think not.

JUST following that successful phone call my asshole of a fucking manager(who seems to have waged some kind of pathetic little war against everything that I am) came on and threatened to fire me for not timing my calls. This is the second time this little bitch has pulled shit over nothing. I hate it when someone just seems to dislike you for no fucking reason. So much for not whining.

I think the phone sex business is kind of like the weather. you can get a storm/caller and predict how its gonna go from there(to a degree) but other then that there's really no telling and to be a douche to the women you have working for you isn't going to get you anywhere but bashed on a blog like this. It boils down to having a manager that fails to recognize your hard work. fuck that.

I just talked to enema guy. he likes his enemas in a very specific way that I just haven't figured out yet. I know alot about an enema too. we'll just leave it at that.

Dickface hasn't come back to threaten to fire me again...we'll just see.

Antitrust

today hasn't been much of an improvement over yesterday. I called my manager to inquire about the call I received from my boss last night. She said not to worry but I'm still a little shaken. My guy always seems to know when I don't need any shit and that's when he chooses to unload on me. Terrible mornings usually lead to terrible days unless I manage to turn it around quick. Having a phone glued to my ear proves to make this much more challenging. Then when my boyfriend announces he is having one of his bar fly friends over that I don't like while I'm mid-call I cant say shit because I'm busy asking for it harder in my ass. My operator was not happy with the mornings average so she cut me loose for an hour, I go to visit my boyfriend and said friend on our porch(where he said they would be) and lo and behold they're at a fucking bar.
I get raging pissed, hang up, open a beer and start smoking a cigarette. He walks in the door and all I can manage to do is glare.

I had a lousy average earlier today so when I logged on tonight My bitchy operator guy(that sounds just like a woman, I mean spot on) took me off immediately) he/she/asshole also bitched in my ear and told me I was getting written up for this that and the other(for the record I am a great employee to have)
I had the night free, watched Jeopardy,Wheel and drank a little too much. Plus I made no fucking money. Thanks bitchy dude. I could have made you some money but you had to be a prick.

Nothing Special

some nights it all comes down to a 7 minute average. You get off at 10:07 at night instead of 9. You've been playing stupid trivia games and reading Norse mythology to keep your remaining braincells from turning the gun on themselves and finally the last man standing cums all over himself, screams in your ear, then hangs up. You slam the phone down before anymore pervs can get through and its over. You take a huge hit(yeas Im a pitiful pothead). Sit on the couch and do french trivia for an hour while drinking the two beers you allocated yourself then sedate yourself with sleeping pills and start over tomorrow. Nothing lost and nothing gained.

The candle Molester

He has a tipping mechanism that's for damn sure. It consists of a rope tied to a candle. He called me from the parking lot outside of the gym. "All that spandex really got to me" He informed me. He uses words like drippage and calls them
the cock and the balls" instead of of "my cock and balls" He wants to get "an erotic order and method down before anyone watches". He wants to "get a dominatrix or someone to look at the wax dropping photos he has taken with his camera phone and give him some pointers on how to improve his technique. The head is the most sensitive area but when you drip hot wax onto your balls it heats your cum up". He wants to get people to look at the photos he takes of his wax covered cock, when I suggested he post them online, he hung up on me.

Free Sex

I got bored and decided to browse a few of my brethrens profiles. Holy shit! I didn't even get to the actual profiles, just the "about me" sections were enough to make me need a cigarette. I say all that shit with a gusto(on the line) I was just thinking that the element of surprise would be good to have in my corner here. Well not everyone in my line of work feels that way. Everything you could ever want to say or do is right there on the front page,in detail. Shit I cant remember, was it alphabetized? I'm anti censorship to the bone but come on...aren't we trying to get paid for this? Or maybe it was a sign that I should say fuck it and my profile should read like a hustler write-in.

Photo By Michael Hussard