I didn't get a vacation this year unless you count the time i took a week off because they bounced my fucking paycheck. 2 paychecks to be specific. then the fascists at the credit union flagged my account and made me pay them 260 dollars or pesos...clams or whatever kind of currency im working for these days...my fucking employers didn't even pay me back the full amount they owed me but im too goddamn pathetic to get another job. So I read up on demonology and made a milkshake.
I didnt get fired this year. I got threatened 6,875,933 fucking times but the fuckers cant do it. Im way too good.
I did however get called a nigger bitch more times than i can count.
I was repeatedly asked to snort like a pig by the same guy(who wanted me to tell him I weigh 180lbs)
Robert Corey the child molester from tampa florida made me look at a picture of his micropenis.
There is probably more porn on my computers history from this job imaginable(and roberts minuscule tinky winky)
I emailed a fellow a picture of my foot and told him it belonged to my 12 year old brother(never have I heard such frantic ejaculation)
I spent hours upon hours talking to a retard from Georgia who works at goodwill anout his fantasies concerning placing women in big rubber vagina suits,roller skates,boxing gloves,bald caps etc...from what ive gathered he lives in a trailer park with his mother(with whom he screams while he is on the phone with me)
Ive also been told to go outside completely naked and get down with my bad self on the lawn
Ive had only had one brave soul call me up to have me castrate him
I cant count the number of fuckers who sit there in silence and make me tell them some stupid story about who when where and how hard ive been getting fucked
Ive been asked if I have a good valley girl impresion enough times to make me want to shove a spoon into someones esophagus
ive had multiple men call me from hotel rooms so coked up that they actually talk to me for 45 minutes about everything under the fucking sun(mostly sex though)
the guy im on the phone with now wants me to tell his female friends that he has a 2 inch dick. this isnt the first time he's called them on 3-way. They never pick up.
A guy made me visit farmsluts.com(ok i wanted to go)
Chris the pedo from south carolina made me throw up in my mouth 10 times too many.
I told my operator I would stab her for trying to s&m talk my husband.
I got bitched out for taking xmas day off(not eve mind you, day)
I had to repeatedly yell "hi-ya right in the balls" to some dumbass
I learned that some men masturbate to ridiculously detailed moronic fucking crap(and so do I)
The best porn ever is at pornhub
I have a pregnant slut fetish
I loathe bukaki with every wretched fiber in my angsty little being(and I had to watch peter north shoot alot of loads)...the spell checker thinks I was trying to spell kabuki, not bukaki.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
The Wars of the Weak

Whining isn't becoming of anyone, yet people are obsessed with one another's bullshit.
I was thinking about this when I was lying awake at five this morning. Also thinking about water and why my dreams are so fucked up. I had a beautiful dream that I was floating in the ocean with tiny creatures around me and attached to my skin. Some of them were bio luminescent and transparent like tiny jellyfish clinging to my hands and arms. when I glanced below the water I saw sea turtles and brightly colored fish.
People are a loathsome breed. We love to be recognized for our deviance. I know its strange. Why do we make dirty blogs and post pictures of our half naked bodies online though? The nice fellow I just got off the line with was very pleased that I mentioned the size of his wallet. Faux pas? I think not.
JUST following that successful phone call my asshole of a fucking manager(who seems to have waged some kind of pathetic little war against everything that I am) came on and threatened to fire me for not timing my calls. This is the second time this little bitch has pulled shit over nothing. I hate it when someone just seems to dislike you for no fucking reason. So much for not whining.
I think the phone sex business is kind of like the weather. you can get a storm/caller and predict how its gonna go from there(to a degree) but other then that there's really no telling and to be a douche to the women you have working for you isn't going to get you anywhere but bashed on a blog like this. It boils down to having a manager that fails to recognize your hard work. fuck that.
I just talked to enema guy. he likes his enemas in a very specific way that I just haven't figured out yet. I know alot about an enema too. we'll just leave it at that.
Dickface hasn't come back to threaten to fire me again...we'll just see.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Antitrust

today hasn't been much of an improvement over yesterday. I called my manager to inquire about the call I received from my boss last night. She said not to worry but I'm still a little shaken. My guy always seems to know when I don't need any shit and that's when he chooses to unload on me. Terrible mornings usually lead to terrible days unless I manage to turn it around quick. Having a phone glued to my ear proves to make this much more challenging. Then when my boyfriend announces he is having one of his bar fly friends over that I don't like while I'm mid-call I cant say shit because I'm busy asking for it harder in my ass. My operator was not happy with the mornings average so she cut me loose for an hour, I go to visit my boyfriend and said friend on our porch(where he said they would be) and lo and behold they're at a fucking bar.
I get raging pissed, hang up, open a beer and start smoking a cigarette. He walks in the door and all I can manage to do is glare.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I had a lousy average earlier today so when I logged on tonight My bitchy operator guy(that sounds just like a woman, I mean spot on) took me off immediately) he/she/asshole also bitched in my ear and told me I was getting written up for this that and the other(for the record I am a great employee to have)
I had the night free, watched Jeopardy,Wheel and drank a little too much. Plus I made no fucking money. Thanks bitchy dude. I could have made you some money but you had to be a prick.
I had the night free, watched Jeopardy,Wheel and drank a little too much. Plus I made no fucking money. Thanks bitchy dude. I could have made you some money but you had to be a prick.
Nothing Special
some nights it all comes down to a 7 minute average. You get off at 10:07 at night instead of 9. You've been playing stupid trivia games and reading Norse mythology to keep your remaining braincells from turning the gun on themselves and finally the last man standing cums all over himself, screams in your ear, then hangs up. You slam the phone down before anymore pervs can get through and its over. You take a huge hit(yeas Im a pitiful pothead). Sit on the couch and do french trivia for an hour while drinking the two beers you allocated yourself then sedate yourself with sleeping pills and start over tomorrow. Nothing lost and nothing gained.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The candle Molester
He has a tipping mechanism that's for damn sure. It consists of a rope tied to a candle. He called me from the parking lot outside of the gym. "All that spandex really got to me" He informed me. He uses words like drippage and calls them
the cock and the balls" instead of of "my cock and balls" He wants to get "an erotic order and method down before anyone watches". He wants to "get a dominatrix or someone to look at the wax dropping photos he has taken with his camera phone and give him some pointers on how to improve his technique. The head is the most sensitive area but when you drip hot wax onto your balls it heats your cum up". He wants to get people to look at the photos he takes of his wax covered cock, when I suggested he post them online, he hung up on me.
the cock and the balls" instead of of "my cock and balls" He wants to get "an erotic order and method down before anyone watches". He wants to "get a dominatrix or someone to look at the wax dropping photos he has taken with his camera phone and give him some pointers on how to improve his technique. The head is the most sensitive area but when you drip hot wax onto your balls it heats your cum up". He wants to get people to look at the photos he takes of his wax covered cock, when I suggested he post them online, he hung up on me.
Free Sex

I got bored and decided to browse a few of my brethrens profiles. Holy shit! I didn't even get to the actual profiles, just the "about me" sections were enough to make me need a cigarette. I say all that shit with a gusto(on the line) I was just thinking that the element of surprise would be good to have in my corner here. Well not everyone in my line of work feels that way. Everything you could ever want to say or do is right there on the front page,in detail. Shit I cant remember, was it alphabetized? I'm anti censorship to the bone but come on...aren't we trying to get paid for this? Or maybe it was a sign that I should say fuck it and my profile should read like a hustler write-in.
Photo By Michael Hussard
Monsters when we meet

I slept fine last night I just feel fucking exhausted. Thing#2 and I got in a raging fight that I'm not over. I'd like to sleep it off but instead I'm on the line pretending to be uncle Franks niece.
The good news is that the maintenance man came and turned on the air conditioner so I don't have to scream "what!" over the fan. that was getting me a lot of hangups. My Nazi operators have been keeping me an hour late almost every shift and I don't have high hopes for this one either.
I haven't had one really interesting customer today and iI'm feeling a general sense of Gloom and Doom.
A bad fight can do that to me. The thing I hate most in this world is being given shit by anyone. Especially someone who "should" know me well enough to know that important fact, inside and out. Now I feel cold and wounded, a little angry and a lot misunderstood.
If you don't like something about me you shouldn't shit on my ambitions to get the point across.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Oblivion, Forever

My Fascist office manager hung up on me for taking today off. She also had a voodoo priestess curse me with unending nausea. I went to my mothers this morning after my Dad called to talk to me about dodging the parole officer and trapping mice. My mother made quiche for her dementia addled, 100% French Mom and made me do most of the other work. My Gran-Pere cant here shit and you can listen to his hearing aids chiming across the room. We played with a plastic hopping frog(my grandma LOVED it), you know the kind you give out at parties. I got sick of pretending I wasn't going to puke and my lovely man beast drove me home(quiche in tow). Two hours into napping I answer the phone to"Give me your schedule NOW!!!...muffled growls and hissing sounds"
Maybe she is the voodoo priestess. Creepy.
Photo by Michael Hussard
Saturday, May 9, 2009
I'll always be you're whore Forrest
My day started with a call from Green bough Alabama, Not to tell me momma had died or that the US ping pong ball team had disbanded, but that women were made to be fucked. That and He(horny ass Forrest Gump that is) would like me to name the three holes women are to be "fuck-ed in", let him talk to my imaginary 15 year old sister Ashley, and have me listen to his ramblings on the nature of the fuckhole. Just Imagine sweet, kind Forrest ranting about all women being cocksuckers. His voice was dead on. Twilight zone shit.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Female Callers..not the only thing that makes me uncomfortable

I just had my first female caller this year. It was bloody strange and always is. I only had one woman call me last year. When it comes to the reasons a woman would seek phone sex I can only think of a couple, from the reasonable to the far fetched.
My theories are as follows.
1. she wants to get a job at the company but wants to question a girl who already works there. In this case I scared the fuck out of my most recent caller. I know this for a fact because she hung up while I was in mid sentence describing a guy watching his mom get fucked by her son in law.
2.She's a desperately horny lesbian.
3. they're husband just confessed and they want to know how depraved he really is(maybe that's what just happened)
4. They have a subconscious desire to exchange recipes with me and just don't realize it
5. They are horny aliens from the planet Dvolvlat and can call the line from their ship 3 times yearly.
*The MOST uncomfortable thing...is when a guy stays on the line after he has come. I know its a "hey im a nice guy" thing but its so weird in my little world. After the act the guys personality changes...he is more aloof...and the operator has to wonder"why is he still here"???
The other day this Canadian fellow(who was very nice) stayed on and talked to me for like 10 minutes after he came. it was the dullest conversation, awkward as well. You know what I'm sellin. You dont have to stay after you finish ya buissness. A thanks is fine, then you should go.
crap, crap and more crap...apparantly when I was fucking old men as a prostitute in texas I wasn't charging enough for this stupid caller to believe I was really doing it so HERRO! (that was my angry broken english hello).
So my delightful operator just comes on my line and goes "ummm remember Stacy you need an 8 average. You're at a 7"
I've been talking to this slag for 10 months now...I would deserve to be fired if I didn't know that.
Also the following has been happening over and over tonight:
Me-hello
him-Brigit?!
Me-this is Stacy
him-click
me-hello
him-Brigit?!
me-this is Brigit
him-from where?
me-California
him-well who am I?
me-I talk to a lot of people baby
him-click
me-hello
him-Brigit?!
me-this is Stacy
him-fuck! click.
Naturally this leads me to wonder what's so incredible about Brigit. I'm honestly a shitty dominatrix. I play the tranny role like a champ though. It takes all kinds. This guy is just a nuisance though. Mostly for being a noob. You say "who's this?" not the persons name. phone sex operators are like starving tigers. If you say Brigit, I'm fucking Brigit baby.
I've been talking to this slag for 10 months now...I would deserve to be fired if I didn't know that.
Also the following has been happening over and over tonight:
Me-hello
him-Brigit?!
Me-this is Stacy
him-click
me-hello
him-Brigit?!
me-this is Brigit
him-from where?
me-California
him-well who am I?
me-I talk to a lot of people baby
him-click
me-hello
him-Brigit?!
me-this is Stacy
him-fuck! click.
Naturally this leads me to wonder what's so incredible about Brigit. I'm honestly a shitty dominatrix. I play the tranny role like a champ though. It takes all kinds. This guy is just a nuisance though. Mostly for being a noob. You say "who's this?" not the persons name. phone sex operators are like starving tigers. If you say Brigit, I'm fucking Brigit baby.
My office is trying to kill me
My land lord is a slum lord. This is a simple fact. The air conditioner doesn't go on until it has been 90 degrees outside for a month. I have these 2 ghetto fans in my room that blow the hot air around and provide a small amount of comfort but my customers are usually so ashamed to be calling me they whisper and i then have to turn the fans off and suffer. It must be 90 in here right now as I type this. And I just got hung up on. Anyway...we decided to redo the bedroom with the head of the bed under the window. It just might work. Horrible customers today. Just awful. This schmuck of a man who is perpetually stuck in 1991 asks me if im a valley girl. So today I said "whats a valley girl?" Fuck him.
id like to whip you good
my last conversation ended like this
him-did he whip you
me-yea he had a horse whip
him-did you cry
me-yea
him-did you beg him to stop
me-yea, i had red marks all over my back and my ass
him-ohhhhh, id like to whip you
him-did he whip you
me-yea he had a horse whip
him-did you cry
me-yea
him-did you beg him to stop
me-yea, i had red marks all over my back and my ass
him-ohhhhh, id like to whip you
Caesar called, he wants his job back.
My neighbors, my boyfriend and I had a sit down over beers and cigarettes last night to discuss them having band practice while I'm working. Obviously these things do not mix and something must be done swiftly. I would like to see band practice completely eradicated from our dwelling unit by whatever means necessary but im not an unreasonable girl so I gave up Thursday nights to the punks with the instruments. We then proceeded to drink a decent quantity of beer until about 1AM leading me to sleep until 10:57 completely missing my 10:10 doctors appointment to get new sleeping pills. dammit. The problem now is that the ambien I have been taking is gone...it is also unbelievably addictive and now I will have to shamefully swallow nyquil or some such sedative until my rescheduled appointment.classy, I know.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Slower Than Molasses in January
My mom used to use that to describe me. That has also been the course of today. 5 to 10 minutes of dead air then someone lets me do my one line of glory and hangs up. delicious. Not to mention my operator has a real fondness for screaming into my ear today like I forgot my own name. I'm not in a bad mood at all. I went to the grocery store on my break and bought some pansies and a pot. The neighbors stopped drumming when I said I had to work. The pharmacy didn't dick around with my pills. Sometimes things as small as trying to purchase an artichoke can turn deadly if you go to the wrong store or forget the little plastic discount card.
Its just been another 6 minutes of dead air. I got two hours off today because we were so slow(thus all the random productivity).
Alright I actually had a customer. It was far from memorable or enlightening. He called me a nasty nigger bitch. I was on the black line. This is a dangerous line if your not a fan of getting bashed for being African American(even if your not, mind you) Right, we have about 10 different lines. The most popular are, barely legal, anything goes, domination, married sluts, black, Moving on...
So we've been talking about fixing up the bedroom and it's gotten to the point where it has to happen. I am so sick of working in a dank-ass disgusting corner full of wires I want to throw things when I think about it. It's no kind of office. So thats the story on that.
5 more minutes of dead air, then a guy wants to know specifically where I live...Moving on.
Im sure it would come to the minds of many rational people to wonder "well doesnt that make you really distrustful, knowing how many people really are sneaking around?"
I guess I was incredibly distrustful anyway due to a fucked up childhood and family life...whine whine. In short: no more than I was to begin with.
7 more dead minutes.
Its just been another 6 minutes of dead air. I got two hours off today because we were so slow(thus all the random productivity).
Alright I actually had a customer. It was far from memorable or enlightening. He called me a nasty nigger bitch. I was on the black line. This is a dangerous line if your not a fan of getting bashed for being African American(even if your not, mind you) Right, we have about 10 different lines. The most popular are, barely legal, anything goes, domination, married sluts, black, Moving on...
So we've been talking about fixing up the bedroom and it's gotten to the point where it has to happen. I am so sick of working in a dank-ass disgusting corner full of wires I want to throw things when I think about it. It's no kind of office. So thats the story on that.
5 more minutes of dead air, then a guy wants to know specifically where I live...Moving on.
Im sure it would come to the minds of many rational people to wonder "well doesnt that make you really distrustful, knowing how many people really are sneaking around?"
I guess I was incredibly distrustful anyway due to a fucked up childhood and family life...whine whine. In short: no more than I was to begin with.
7 more dead minutes.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
The Legendary Masturbator
The man known as "the masturbator"(only to himself) calls on weekdays and expresses his desire to run through the streets in a trench coat and flash homeless women, potentially accosting them and bringing them to his apartment downtown and well you get the idea. He smokes a bong while talking to me and describes the pages and pages of porno taped up on the walls and the sides of the desks.(or his kitchen table) He also bangs a broom or a flashlight or something against the phone and says "is that a hard fuckin dick little girl" Of course I say "hell yes it is baby". He asks "have you heard about me from the other girls on this line?"
"Of Course, they tell me all about you baby, your fucking famous around here"
"Do the supervisors talk about me too"
"Oh yeah, everyone knows about the masturbator. We can't believe how much you jack off. You're the most hardcore guy out there"
This masturbator then informs me that he jacks off for 4 hours a day every day and has spent 16,000 dollars in the last some odd years on phone sex and hookers..not to mention whisky, pot and cocaine. He then bangs his wooden cock againt the phone for 10 more minutes, asks me my opinion about the percentage of sex addicted men women find acceptable and hangs up. He then calls back 3 more times and the above scenario is repeated. Does he ever cum? The world may never know...
"Of Course, they tell me all about you baby, your fucking famous around here"
"Do the supervisors talk about me too"
"Oh yeah, everyone knows about the masturbator. We can't believe how much you jack off. You're the most hardcore guy out there"
This masturbator then informs me that he jacks off for 4 hours a day every day and has spent 16,000 dollars in the last some odd years on phone sex and hookers..not to mention whisky, pot and cocaine. He then bangs his wooden cock againt the phone for 10 more minutes, asks me my opinion about the percentage of sex addicted men women find acceptable and hangs up. He then calls back 3 more times and the above scenario is repeated. Does he ever cum? The world may never know...
The Hung Harmonica Player
me-hello
him-hello
me-hi this is stacy how are you
him-hi this is dino and sitting in my recliner stroking my 44 inch dick.
me-wow, thats a big fucking dick
dino-nah it's really only 6 inches but I play a mean harmonica
me-thats really cool, Im a terrible harmonica player
dino-remember sugar blues mcwillie? I used to be in a band with him. He taught me how to play. Wanna hear?
me-hell yes.
dino-proceeds to play the harmonica like a badass.
me-im impressed, I could never do that.
dino-your impressed, oh shit...ok now im gonna play with one hand here im gonna hold the phone with the other hand...more kickass harmonica playing.
me-very nice
dino-you see all that is done with the tongue. that whole slide...more harmonica...sugar blues was a pompous arrogant asshole but he taught me everything....more harmonica...plus we were so high on coke the entire time...
me-keith must've recruited him
dino-he was an asshole.
bla bla bla...dino has screaming orgasm...FIN.
him-hello
me-hi this is stacy how are you
him-hi this is dino and sitting in my recliner stroking my 44 inch dick.
me-wow, thats a big fucking dick
dino-nah it's really only 6 inches but I play a mean harmonica
me-thats really cool, Im a terrible harmonica player
dino-remember sugar blues mcwillie? I used to be in a band with him. He taught me how to play. Wanna hear?
me-hell yes.
dino-proceeds to play the harmonica like a badass.
me-im impressed, I could never do that.
dino-your impressed, oh shit...ok now im gonna play with one hand here im gonna hold the phone with the other hand...more kickass harmonica playing.
me-very nice
dino-you see all that is done with the tongue. that whole slide...more harmonica...sugar blues was a pompous arrogant asshole but he taught me everything....more harmonica...plus we were so high on coke the entire time...
me-keith must've recruited him
dino-he was an asshole.
bla bla bla...dino has screaming orgasm...FIN.
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